The Sexuality Lure, Stabilizing Hormonal Agents and the Skull

As I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating problem and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to get love, and guys utilize love to get sex." This is a excellent summation of the "Sex Trap."

The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where singles analyze good sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther since for these songs, having sex brings enormous meaning and repercussions.

Songs fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two methods:

A.they think sex is a required test of compatibility, (if the sex is good then the relationship will ready too).

B.more commonly, all consciousness heads out the window, and one or both previously level-headed singles consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they have sex.
Rather than looking at whether this other individual may be a match on levels other than physical tourist attraction-- such as long-lasting requirements, requirements, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.

No doubt, it can be challenging to keep in touch with reality when all those hormones are running wild. Our body reacts to somebody we are brought in to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts sexual desire), which makes the opportunity to make love with someone we are attracted to incredibly hard to resist. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts upon the hypothalamus to produce feelings), which makes us feel very near and bonded with our sex partner.

These chain reactions are involuntary and strong , resulting in powerful feelings of destination, enjoyment, nearness, wellness, and love .

However when issues occur, those who fall into the Sex Trap typically justify by thinking, "Well, we've got problems, however the sex is excellent!" They most likely wouldn't confess, but they prioritize physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their main hunting tools are sexual destination and physical compatibility.

Barry North, an RCI coach who works primarily with gay guys, says that numerous of his clients have actually fallen into the Sex Trap.

" For gay men particularly in cosmopolitan areas, sex is easily find out available, and that in itself is a trap," North states. "In addition, the culture, with its emphasis on physical appearance, motivates sexual activity. If a prospective partner is going to be sexually suitable, many gay males desire to find out from the starting. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be excellent?".

North adds, "I presume this is a 'guy' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to mention that chemistry is very important. Yet, chemistry is a considered that we can't control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it should be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry occur, though in some cases it can grow with time.

Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry threat relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication wears away and reality hits.

To prevent the Bonuses Sex Trap, you should balance your heart (and hormones) with your head. This means integrating chemistry with good sense. While great sex is essential for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner options by paying complete focus on your vision, requirements, goals, and worths -- while feeling all those amazing stimulates!

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