The Sex Deception, Balancing Hormones and the Noggin

As I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader composed in with a dating dilemma and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to get love, and men use love to obtain sex." This is a great summation of the "Sex Trap."

The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where singles analyze excellent sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther since for these songs, having sex brings enormous significance and consequences.

Singles fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 ways:

A.they believe sex is a required test of compatibility, (if the sex is great then the relationship will be excellent too).

B.more commonly, all awareness heads out the window, and one or both previously level-headed songs consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they have sex.
Rather than looking at whether this other person might be a match on levels other than physical tourist attraction-- such as long-lasting requirements, requirements, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.

No doubt, it can be challenging to stay connected with reality when all those hormonal agents are cutting loose. Our body responds to somebody we are attracted to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone (increases sexual desire), that makes the chance to have sex with somebody we are drawn in to incredibly tough to withstand. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts upon the hypothalamus to produce feelings), which makes us feel really near and bonded with our sex partner.

These chemical reactions are strong and involuntary , causing powerful feelings of attraction, excitement, wellness, love, and nearness .

When problems emerge, those who fall into the Sex Trap frequently rationalize by thinking, "Well, we've got issues, but the sex is excellent!" They most likely would not confess, but they focus on physical intimacy and concern the rest as optional. Their primary hunting tools are sexual tourist attraction and physical compatibility.

Barry North, an RCI coach who works mostly with gay men, states that a number of his customers have fallen under the Sex Trap.

" For gay men particularly in metropolitan locations, sex is readily available, and that in itself is a trap," North says. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be great?".

Nevertheless, North includes, "I presume this is a 'guy' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do want to explain that chemistry is very important. Yet, chemistry is a given that we you can try this out can't control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it needs to be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry happen, though often it can grow with time.

When the hormone-induced intoxication uses off and truth hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry danger relationship failure.

To prevent the Sex Trap, you need to stabilize your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This means combining chemistry with common sense. While good sex is important for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner choices by paying full focus on your vision, goals, requirements, and worths -- while feeling all those interesting sparks!

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