The Sensuality Pitfall, Stabilizing Hormonal Agents and the Brain

As I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader composed in with a dating predicament and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to obtain love, and guys utilize love to get sex." This is a excellent summation of the "Sex Trap."

The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where singles translate great sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further because for these singles, having sex carries tremendous significance and effects.

Singles fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two methods:

A.they believe sex is a needed test of compatibility, (if the sex is excellent then the relationship will ready also).

B.more commonly, all awareness goes out the window, and one or both previously level-headed singles consider themselves a dedicated couple as soon as they make love.
So, rather than taking a look at whether this other person may be a match on levels other than physical tourist attraction-- such as long-term requirements, requirements, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.

No doubt, it can be challenging to stay connected with reality when all those hormones are cutting loose. Our body reacts to somebody we are drawn in to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone (increases libido), makings the opportunity to make love with someone we are brought in to exceptionally difficult to withstand. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), that makes us feel extremely near to and bonded with our sex partner.

These chain reactions are strong and uncontrolled , causing powerful feelings of tourist attraction, enjoyment, wellness, love, and nearness .

But when problems emerge, those who fall under the Sex Trap often rationalize by thinking, "Well, we've got index issues, but the sex is great!" They most likely would not confess, however they prioritize physical intimacy and relate to the rest as optional. Their primary hunting tools are sexual destination and physical compatibility.

Barry North, an RCI coach who works primarily with gay males, states that a lot of his customers have fallen into the Sex Trap.

" For gay men especially in cities, sex is easily offered, which in itself is a trap," North says. "In addition, the culture, with its emphasis on physical appearance, encourages sexual activity. Numerous gay guys wish to discover from the beginning if a potential partner is going to be sexually suitable. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to ready?".

Nevertheless, North adds, "I think this is a ' man' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do desire to mention that chemistry is important. Chemistry is a offered that we cannot manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it needs to be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry happen, though sometimes it can grow in time.

When the hormone-induced intoxication uses off and reality hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry risk relationship failure.

To prevent the Sex Trap, you need to stabilize your heart (and hormones) with your head. This implies integrating chemistry with sound judgment. While excellent sex is important for a sustainable relationship, you need to make your partner options by paying full focus on your vision, goals, values, and requirements -- while feeling all those exciting triggers!

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