The Intimacy Snare, Balancing Hormones and the Head

As I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating issue and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to get love, and guys use love to get sex." This is a great summation of the "Sex Trap."

The Sex Trap is similar to the Love Trap, where singles translate great sex as love. However those who fall under the Sex Trap go even farther due to the fact that for these singles, having sex carries tremendous significance and repercussions.

Songs fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 ways:

A.they believe sex is a required test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will ready too).

B.more typically, all consciousness heads out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed songs consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they have sex.
Rather than looking at whether this other individual may be a match on levels other than physical tourist attraction-- such as long-term requirements, requirements, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.

No doubt, it can be challenging to communicate with truth when all those hormones are running wild. Our body responds to somebody we are brought in to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts sexual desire), that makes the opportunity to make love with somebody we are drawn in to incredibly tough to withstand. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), which makes us feel very close to and bonded with our sex partner.

These chain reactions are uncontrolled and strong , resulting in effective sensations of destination, enjoyment, wellness, closeness, and love .

When problems develop, those who fall into the Sex Trap frequently justify by thinking, "Well, we've got problems, but the sex is terrific!" They most likely wouldn't admit it, but they focus on physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their primary hunting tools are sexual attraction and physical compatibility.

Barry North, navigate here an RCI coach who works primarily with gay guys, states that a lot of his customers have actually fallen into the Sex Trap.

" For gay males particularly in cities, sex is readily offered, which in itself is a trap," North states. "In addition, the culture, with its focus on physical appearance, motivates sexual activity. If a prospective partner is going to be sexually compatible, numerous gay males want to discover out from the beginning. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to ready?".

North adds, "I presume this is a ' person' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do want to explain that chemistry is necessary. Chemistry is a offered that we cannot manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it should be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry take place, though in some cases it can grow gradually.

When the hormone-induced intoxication wears off and reality hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry threat relationship failure.

To prevent the Sex Trap, you need to stabilize your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This implies integrating chemistry with common sense. While great sex is essential for a sustainable relationship, you need to make your partner choices by paying full focus on your vision, worths, requirements, and goals -- while feeling all those interesting triggers!

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